Updated: Mar 29
I recently had some news. I was asked not to share the information at first. Of course, I was asked after I made five phone calls within 3 minutes and sent photos to at least 18 people. I am going to be a Grandma.
It was instant love. That photo of little 'lima bean' (forever to be his/her nickname) was a moment of instant love. Let me explain something, though. There was no announcement over dinner and coffee. No 'hey mom, I got news!' There are no hugs and dancing around the kitchen while I hold on to the picture of our new tribe member. It was a text message. A text message where I had to enlarge the photo to ensure that I saw the mother's name in question. It took me 5 minutes to figure out what the picture was. Not at all a Hallmark moment. But, it doesn't matter- I felt an instant bond. I am looking at my first grandchild. S/He is perfect. The best-looking lima bean in the world. So smart too! I can tell! A grandmother knows these things.
Four days later, I have already been shopping for perfect cribs, the latest car seats, gender-neutral baby bags, ordering every size imaginable of diapers, figuring out how to make healthy homemade baby food. I even tried to order a cow so that my Lima Bean can have fresh milk. I am buying a farm! Does Lima Bean want a pony? I found one that Amazon can ship to Alaska! Whatever Lima Bean wants, Lima Bean gets!
My other son, my firstborn, the bearer of all my gray hair, moved to New York. I have set up an account to buy him everything that he needs once he arrives. Boys don't think of these things- like pots and pans, cups, dish soap, and bedsheets. Does he have a pillow? He is flying there, so I don't think he will have a pillow. My son NEEDS a pillow. I should get him towels too.
It is a new world of fear, my friends. A world that I did not know existed. I still have the youngest at home, so there is still the thrill of Friday afternoon emails telling me if he did his homework or not. As of 3 weeks ago, Kekoa is now taller than me...all my children are taller than me! I am not sure if my glares are as effective as they use to be since I now am glaring at their chests and not into their eyes.
I woke up at 3 am last night and realized- my superpower is now not as powerful. A mother has a superpower that knows no bounds. We can talk without speaking, win eye staring contests without blinking, hear everything being said or done within a 3-mile radius, and instantly know when our children are lying to us. This power of mines is diminishing with time. My children are growing their superpowers as they navigate their new worlds where mothers become backstage managers to their new great adventures.
I understand Peter Pan a little bit more today. I don't think it was the fear of being an adult that Peter Pan was running from; it was the fear of losing the memories of being young. I hope I always remember the joy of watching the kids get excited for Christmas, their first time they accomplished some goal on their own, the moments when they would hug me for no reason. The first time they cleaned their bathroom for a change! These are my happy memories.
I am now a grandmother. My new role in life has been established. It is a role of a whole new set of fears and excitement that I did not know existed. I felt sorry for myself for a few minutes this morning, but then I realized- I made it! I am in the club! My membership in the grandparent society has been verified, and I will run for President of the club. I have raised three amazing boys with a lot of help along the way from our tribe. I have a few more years before the youngest runs to make his own dreams realities, but I think I am better prepared. I think that I will handle it well. I need a smaller house.
By the way, I will be the best grandma in the world!